Stuck

Dear Everyone,

Today I got to participate in the school Spelling Bee.  Not as a participant, of course.  I would have been massacred, m-a-s-s-a-c-r-e-d, massacred.  Those kids are smart!  No, no... I was a judge of sorts but mostly I wrote down incorrect spellings and crossed off names of kiddos who were eliminated.  The winning word.... synthesizer!  It was quite the exciting day!
The best part was - due to the fact that it lasted 3 1/2 HOURS - I didn't have to teach all day...teehee.  I almost feel bad writing that, but truth is I look forward to built-in vacations from preparing, managing and teaching lessons.  I love my students, but sometimes (more often than not) I do not love teaching. If my job consisted of cleaning, decorating, filing/organizing paperwork and testing students one on one all day I would love, love my job! However, it is not only that and the decision to continue teaching has been sloshing around in my brain for quite some time now.  What to do? I don't exactly know.  Why am I telling you about it? Maybe you could give me some advise....? Maybe?
Last year, at the end of the school year, I was torn whether or not to accept this job.  With much convincing from the District I decided to give it one more year.  This has been my self-titled "trial year".  And a trial it has been!  I'm glad I chose to continue this year - I have learned oh so much.  If I decide to dis-continue teaching, it will be a decision that was thought out and tried not simply because I am scared and running away from something hard.  I understand that work is always going to be work whatever it is I decide to do, I just feel I am already burning out and one more year of this may not make a happy girl out of me.  And I just want to be happy.
So - I have been searching for alternate jobs or anything that strikes my fancy.  It kills me a little on the inside that perhaps I am wasting such a specific degree, but I know there are other areas in which the skills I have will be needed.  Some options I have thought of include: Administrative Assistant (secretary, rather... but to be honest my secretary jobs were my most favorite of all), Counseling / Advising of some sort, working for a Private tutoring company.  That's what I gots.  Any other suggestions? Thoughts? Comments?  I would love anything you have to tell me.

Much Love,

Jeanette

Seriously?

I woke up this morning feeling nice and rested.  As I rolled over and got up a thought crossed my mind that terrified me for a moment:  "Wait a second, I'm still single!?"  Can't remember it, but it must have been a nice dream.  Then I laughed and got ready for work.  Oh those early morning moments.

Perspective

Work was rough today. There are so many things involved with being a Special Ed. Resource teacher, that sometimes I wonder how my head doesn't explode on a daily basis. I know it is a common theme with all school teachers - so much to think about and plan that you can hardly leave it at school when you finally DO go home. Today I was struck while I was thinking about the challenges that many of my special students face. My thoughts seemed to focus on one little student in particular and I was inspired - so I would like to share that with you.
I have a student who is an only child and comes from a broken home. Mom stays at home, I think she is ill - she can't bring him to school because their car just died. He rides his scooter in the snow. His step dad works a lot. I don't know the particulars of the family, only that in trying to schedule a meeting mom didn't show up 3 times and on the fourth, we managed to have a meeting over the phone. Despite whatever may be going on at home, this little boy is the most positive boy I have ever taught. He is 3 grades below on all academic levels (reading, writing and math), he is sick a lot and he does not have many friends. Despite his academic non-achievements, whenever I give him a timed math or reading test, his typical attitude is this:
Me: How far do you think you can get in one minute?
Him: I can finish the whole page!
Me: Ok! Just do your best.
(He gets approxiamately 3 of the 25 done)
Me: Do you want to try again?
Him: Ya! I can get the whole page this time!
Me: Just do your best.
(He gets 3 again)
Him: I want to try one more time!
This little charade could go on and on without him improving in the least and if we were to do these little tests all day long, he would still believe that he can do the whole page the next time! He has heart and determination as well as a sweet ignorance to his own imperfect little mind. He is constantly helping me clean or 'helping' other students with their work. He loves every soul he meets and yet they often do not love him - because he is different. In appearance and activity he is a normal little boy, but they can tell that he is not the same and they let it effect what they think of him. This example of his determination is just one of the many ways that he has taught me. I am glad that he has such an innocent perception of his situation - he needs it to survive. One day he came to school in new clothes - I am sure it is not often that he gets something new. He couldn't stop smiling (or telling me about it!) for the entire class time. He informed me today that his shoes are tight now, but he didn't tell me that in complaint. He followed it up with, "Now I can run faster! Tighter shoes make you a better runner."
For all the challenges that I think I have in my life, these children have so much more. More than I would ever wish on a child so pure. And from this all, there is no doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father is real. He loves me because he has given me so much. He loves these children because he has given them ways to handle what they must. I only hope that I can be given enough wisdom and strength to help them on their journey - as much as they are helping me.

Happy New Year!

Reflections from 2009: (what would a New Year post be without a little reminiscing?)

Got hired for my first real teaching job, learned a lot; got my first salary pay check; left the United States for the FIRST time ever; went para-sailing; moved back to Provo; made tons of new friends; crocheted a blanket; learned to knit; forgot how to knit; accepted a teaching job at a new school; made some more friends; went on my second plane ride ever; visited my brother in Ohio; went camping at Fish Lake and Capitol Reef; turned 25; picked up some awesome Country Dancing skills and so much more! It's hard to condense a year in one blog post. I have had some fun times this past year! I feel like I have also learned a lot more about myself and what I want out of life, but that's something for another post. I'm not in a serious mood today.

But boy am I excited for new beginnings! I - as I am sure many are the world over - have been thinking a lot about changes and goals and making a fresh start with the turn of another year. In years past, I would get very excited for all of these new goals I wanted to accomplish. I believe I had around 20 goals last year! And did I accomplish them all? Who knows?! My problem is I write them down and then never look at them again until ...actually I just don't ever look at them again. Not a very good system. This year I have decided to set some goals and actually pay attention to them throughout the year! Sounds like a plan, eh? I know - don't mock me. I figured it would be easiest to set only a minimum amount of goals in order to remain focused. These will be big picture type goals - hopefully to take shape as the year progresses. Drum roll please....

1. Travel more. I have been outside of the USA approximately 1 time in my life. It was a total blast! I want to do that more. I have plans already to visit my brother-in-law and sister in Scotland but I would like to go to at least one more place outside of the US.

2. Be healthier. I know that is a completely vague sort of goal. I have more specific goals in mind - but I think I will leave that for my un-public journal. Basically, I just want to eat less of the bad things, more of the good things, and be more active. Recovering from two knee surgeries and serving a mission (you know how that goes) has sort of kicked my trash in the healthiness department. So - I will be creating a more consistent exercising regime to be better all a'round' (hopefully not so much of that anymore....)

3. Cook more. I have been in a dinner group this last semester and I really enjoyed being able to cook more often. I want to plan and cook more frequently than I have been. I think this will also help with my health goal, too.

4. Get married. When isn't this a goal for me? Maybe this is the year! haha....we shall see.

5. Run a 5k, 10k and half marathon. Progressive goal. I really, really want to do this one! A lot.

There are of course other little goals (spiritual and personal growth goals) but I don't want to post those quite yet. Wish me luck! I hope everyone has a great start to a Brand New Year!!